How do introverts celebrate their birthday?
07.06.2025 16:14
As I cycled back, I suddenly felt so relieved and I had this moment of clarity - that birthdays are arbitrary. Infact I suddenly found it funny that people feel hurt when others don't wish them. It’s such a tantrum.
And so just like that on my 14th birthday, due to a set of odd coincidences, I had become familiar with the inherent stupidity of celebratory commemoration of births.
During childhood it's all about gifts, feeling all too special and getting to do the same things your friends do. When you are an adult birthdays can either be about getting together with friends or even a status issue or even networking. When one grows old, it may be about having an occasion where you can reminise and feel valued.
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She came towards me, smiling ear to ear, offered me candies and said - “Happy Birthday Padhaaku(Hindi slang for Studious Nerds, which I was.) And the realisation dawned on me - we shared the same birthdays. I wished her back immediately, quipping I that she can eat some more of her candies since I had none to offer. She made a face that conveyed annoyance and judgement. I told her I forgot my birthday but my exam went quite well…she responded that it was so like me to have forgotten my own birthday and we had a good laugh about it and parted ways.
The real issue about birthdays I however think is reciprocation - When people wish you, send you gifts, come to celebrate yours, they expect the same of you. Infact, thats one reason why birthdays are akin to other pyramid schemes like religion.
For me expression of love and care shouldn't become compulsions that are tied to dates - it's that simple.
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All of that changed when I turned 14.
The day of my birthday coincided with my History & Civics exam, which was also the last exam. The day before as I prepared for the exam I was kind of excited that it was my birthday tomorrow even though there won't be any party since my parents were away. I studied late into the night. And woke up early next morning for revisions.
Just as I was egressing the cycle stand I heard someone calling my name…I turned around and found a classmate of mine, Ishita, who wasn't in uniform running towards me with a packet of toffees…and for a moment I was like why is she chasing after me, not wearing a uniform and offering candies? Did her exam really went that well? Has she gone cuckoo 😜 I get it that midterms concluding is kind of a big deal but to put on a show and distributing candies - that's a bit too much.
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Being introverted does make large gatherings rather exhaustive, socially draining and mentally taxing.
I come from a lower middle class family. Growing up my parents had held always held small celebrations for my birthday so I wouldn't feel left out you know - homemade cakes, samosas, jalebis, biscuits, candies, balloons.
But the point is, that the occasion and ceremony is totally arbitrary.
Anyways, the crux of the matter is I don't celebrate my birthdays. The most I have done if possible is too take a leave from work and having the day to myself. I may do the routine things that bring me happiness - like spend time with the street dogs in my neighbour, read a book, order coffee icecream or biryani.
But for me while big gatherings are an issue, the bigger issue is the arbitrariness of Birthdays. It kind of dawned on me when I was in 8th standard.
Well I don't know about others but I haven't celebrated mine since I was 14.
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Until I was 13, I bought into this herd mentality and naturally aped the excitement and the eager waiting that one is expected too to feel on birthdays.
The way I have found around it is that I am unabashedly clear about my views. If someone invites me over, I tell them straightaway I don't care about your birthday, but I will come over for good food, given it's not too crowded.
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My 14th birthday fell on the last day of my midterm exams. Coincidentally so, my parents were not at home and had travelled to my village due to a family emergency. We didn't have a phone in our home.
I also don't wish other people birthdays. Most are okay with it, but some really take offence. This one time a girl in my office got quite pissed post auditing the wishes people had sent on office whatsapp group. Mine was missing, so she came to my desk and went - “Aren't you forgetting something? And I was like I don't think so. And she was like don't be an ass and wish me. And I went - “Sayan, congratulations on having parents who must have engaged in long sessions of steamy coitus and whose mutual orgasms continue to echo in your existence everyday you live.”
As for gifts, I spoil her with surprises, so that's never been an issue.
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A lot of middle class behaviorisms as I was to learn later are acquired than natural. Birthdays seem inportant to us because growing up we see everyone celebrating them.
Over the years, I have met a lot of friends who have felt personally attacked when I tell them that birthdays don't mean much to me.
I was all too focussed on the exam and since there were no wishes coming forth I completely forgot that it was my birthday. I went to school, took my exam.(Went really well, I am a big history nerd.). The school got over. I exited the gates and veered into the cycle stand to pick my ride and scurry my way home to enjoy the temporary relief that comes over school going kids once exams are over😏
Why would a person always be so tired?
As for my girlfriend, it's the same. There have been times when I haven't attended her parties because there are just too many people involved.
My girlfriend is understanding and although it took her a couple of birthdays to realize that I don't care about wishes and gifts are forbidden, she now allows me my space.